CAMPIN’ IN CHICAGO
cont…AND THAT’S ALL THAT, I AM!
cont…Chapter 6
(Page 136)
I walked back to pwivate man behind my station wagon. What’s the worst that could
happen? St. Thomas O’Gustine always said, “Hear the other side.” This I could do.
“Sir.” I very politely addwessed pwivate man. “What do you want me to do? Can’t
you see the toll-gate arm won’t budge?” Maybe pwivate man didn’t realize what was
going on with the malfunctioning toll-gate. “Perhaps you could come help me lift the
gate or just back up so I can get out, sir?” I tried to be as nice as possible. “I don’t know
what to do, sir.”
Pwivate man looked me up and down, then at my car in front of him with all my little
children. I think maybe he was having a change of heart. Perhaps the children reminded
him of what it was like when he was a child.
“Them all your kids?” Maybe I reminded him of his mother.
“Them are.” I smiled broadly and twied speaking pwivate man’s language.
“Ain’t ya heard of birth control?!” pwivate man spoke.
I bit my tongue, but I was thinkin’ – pwivates.
I abruptly turned and walked back towards my car. Half-way there he shouted…
“Hey Chiquita, why don’t ya get your old man’s ‘banana’ fixed!” He said it loud
enough that I was afraid the children heard.
My Irish was up. I stopped, turned and walked back to pwivate man.
Okay, I had tried Tommy O’Gustine’s “Hear the other side” but this was war and
Tommy boy, being the good Irish Saint that he was, also said, “The purpose of all war is
peace.” And now I wanted – a piece - of pwivate man.
“Now whatta’ ya want, Chiquita?” Pwivate man was picking at his teeth with a
toothpick. Oh, what I could do with a box of Walgreen’s mint waxed dental floss pulled
taut.
I stood at his window giving him one more chance to redeem himself by offering to
help me and my children.
“Well? Whatta’ ya want, now?” Pwivate man gwowled. “Move it, Chiquita!”
“You, sir, have a loud bark, I bet your mother had one, too.” I quickly turned and left,
because, as my grandmother always said, speak the truth but leave immediately after.
